How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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