Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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