pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
