That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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