Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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