So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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