Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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