Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize