I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
