I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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