I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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