you guys were way drunker than both of me
My hand turned me down
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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