Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
