He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
