There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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