I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
