If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
