genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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