I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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