Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
