meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I queefed so loud it echoed.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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