The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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