i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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