stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
