i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
