Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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