Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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