From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
