It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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