there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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