I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
