I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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