What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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