If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
