so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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