and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
