i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
