I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
