my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
