mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
As shirtless as possible
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
