i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
