I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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