My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
