i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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