as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
