i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
