.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
