it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
