Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
