if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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