sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
