I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
