Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
