Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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