I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
