Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
