are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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