Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
