I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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