Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
