just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
