Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
