Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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