remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
