dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize