Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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