I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wish i was in the wii world.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
