I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
